waiting

He sat still in his silent bedroom in the dead of the night, listening to his pounding heart, wondering when would the tears trapped inside him ever release the pain and confusion that he had smothered silently, unconsciously, over the years.

Why couldn’t he be like everyone else? Why was he different? Why couldn’t he have a normal relationship? Why must he be ostracized? It was no use asking questions that he knew the answers to. It was more of a matter of acceptance which he couldn’t face that was the problem. Moreover, it doesn’t help when he couldn’t find someone or something to blame it all on. He was his own problem, but he hadn’t asked for it in the first place- It came looking for him.

Sterility is a great veneer to shield him from the rest of the world. Nobody could hurt him, nobody would ever know anything. But at the same time, it cuts him off from the people who cared about him whom he knew naught of, potential relationships he could have developed extinguished by his icy coolness. It was much better for the rest of the world to acknowledge him as the obnoxious kid and leave him alone- In that way, he would have a good reason to explain to himself why he should never be to close to another human being.

But the thing is, that’s exactly what he wants. And he knew deep down would never get it. But it was much better to say that he wasn’t given the chance.

And he continued to wait silently day by day, for everything to change for the better.