2006- A Summary

So yesterday was the last paper. and i had been right- The paper had been a right pain in the ass. I refuse to believe anyone would have known that 3 part question abt cash flow. It wasnt even in the notes. Damn CSS and her promise to put up the summary notes.

but i sld do alright though. Better than feature writing at any rate, considering I took less than 2 days glancing through the notes as opposed to the late night mugging hysteria of feature writing and still managed to misread a question.

ah fuck.
***

I cannot believe that 2006 is coming to an end.

just as well really. this year have been terrible. spending the first 4 months trapped in result waiting hysteria and over-demanding boss at work nightmare and the next 8 months of it trapped in a limbo of mortifying unforseened insecurities, desperate attempts at piecing back friendships that are withering to the ground with time and general culture shock.

It was all abit too much. even by my standards.

So there i was brooding as usual in my regular mid day moodism thinking about generally depressing stuff and fascinating over the various suicide attempts ( plane dropping in my room, earthquake shattering my house, being sent to the army early etc etc.) that could whisk me away to high heaven when I realised that it would be so much easier if I just don't overthink stuff and let nature take its course.

I mean you can't blame me. Its not my fault I was born organized, thanks to the perfectionist gene inherited from my grandmom and her clan of croonies-my mom and her sisters. I rather prepare myself for the worse case scenario then be caught on the hop. In fact,I rather die then be caught on the hop actually, frankly speaking.

Thereby I go through the whole cycle of expecting things in their worse and accepting them no matter how vile things might be, even before said thing has even happened.

And because of that, Things usually go exactly the way as i have predicted it to be-in its worse case scenario. Because I believe that it would happen that way.

Talk about the power of faith.

But in the same context, everything could also happen in the same way that I don't believe them to happen.

It all runs down to whether I believe in it or not.

I suppose I have to be completely honest here that I'm scared of taking risks.

At the danger of going all morning day time drama on you, I hate hoping in vain of things that I'm not certain of, because sometimes the disappointment and hurt that hurtles back at me when things takes a turn for the wrong way is sometimes more than i can bear and im not sure how much I can take.

and im sorry. You must think I must be absolutely up my arse. Going round and round in circles about vague stuff that you would probably be trying to make sense of and me not telling you whatever it is because its private and nobody should noe.

Well, whatever it is. My resolution for the new year would be to take things at a slower pace and try not to be the terrible pessimist that I am and let things run its course.

...

Jeezus. I sound like a bloody hippy. this is so not a good thing.

damn.