Because its hard.

When the going gets tough, I usually run away from it.

Well, most of the time anyway. Much as I would have love to say " I get tougher" with a low suffering grimace ,much like Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Liaisons in the scene where she eventually dies a beautiful death amidst scented flowers in her own backyard in a Gucci Gown when she couldnt cope with the fact that her husband was a 2 timing aldulterer man whore. Not that it matters of course.

Reality Bites.

Working at GV wasnt just about the money, not that it actually matters anyway seeing that I would probably be better off paying them money as compared to the poxy sum they give me. No it was something else.

Which I can't really say since blogs are public and my course mates gave new meaning to the word bitchy. Although I should really cop on and get on with being Me. Not the impersonator that goes around in school looking at you like you killed my family and burned down my house. Because I am insecurity in a pack, and I'm not really afraid to say it either.

Not just saying that because of all that New Man thing going on, what with the 21st century men inheriting centuries of domestic abilities past down from ancient generations while the wife in question couldnt boil water without setting the house on fire. No thats because Im more honest ( and sensitive I admit) then most and we all have our weak moments no matter we like it or not.

Anyway as i was saying before I totally derailed your train of thought, GV was more like a social experiment. It was a test for myself; to break up the barrier I set up around people and be the person that I am. Which is freaking ridiculously hard even after 2 weeks working. It isnt more like I Dont Want to as I Can't- All those years boxing myself up have finally came back and bite me in the ass by proving my lack of social skills.

And things are only going to get even harder seeing that i have just recieved my new schedule and i would be training at the Candy Bar-- 24 hour interaction at all times.

a.k.a Hell.

I have a choice. I can always quit, throw in the towel like i have always done and choose the easy way out while coming up with a hundred different excuses to blind myself from the loser that I am or face it like a man with 2 iron balls and brazen it out.

But fear is a great temptation.

I dont know, i don't Know, I Don't Know.