A BEAUTIFUL REVOLUTION: June 2007

Ishi

How could you.

Dancing would never be the same ever again.

I will miss you.

reticent

A new word I learned from nana a few months back from her extensive backlog of "chim" vocabulary on account of her numerous postings of up-ur-bum entries on her blog in an attempt to keep the real message hidden from her readers when she gets emo and bitchy. I do get the philosophical discussions but playing merry go round with my brain? *smacks nana*

So I realised I am reticent. And that got me a little upset until I managed to convince myself that the world is a big enough place for an emo anti-social person like me. Which is kinda wierd because my report cards in primary school often emphasised that I couldnt keep my fat gap shut. Who said only a geek could be reticent? I have never touched warcraft in my life and look at me.

That I suppose is the power of puberty and acne breakouts.

Or maybe I just don't like my coursemates very much. Well. Big surprise.

And i just lost my train of thought because i just remembered some stupid little whore treated me like a dog in class today and I need to set myself on fire for not being quick wit-ed enough for a successful comeback.

Why can't humans ever understand that all we have got in this world is each other?

pause

Its not because there isnt anything happening in my life right now. There are. Just that they arent the things I wish that are happening to me.

So If one day god decides to stop time for just 24 hours, I might seriously consider becoming an altar boy, no matter how collapsed I am as a christian, or dirty atheist whichever way you put it.

Oh and not that i am one to spill dirt or anything, but you know when a teacher has failed you when you learn 6 hours worth of tutorials in under 45 minutes from some lab technician. when you didnt even get anyth into your head when the teacher was teaching you.

There is so much politics going on I am no longer surprised at anything. I don't want to do anything anymore. even though there are tons of deadlines to meet. Or the fact that singcam proposal and BMR are still not done yet. I don't have the energy. Or the coping ability. What's wrong with wanting to lie in bed and stare at the ceiling while you count the number of breathes you are taking?

I am slowly turning invisible, and I like it.

Tomorrow

I think tomorrow could be the cause of the reason why we just can't accomplish whatever we want to today.

We believe that time runs like a free fill for all of us. No need to worry that we can't be who we are today because tomorrow brings with it a fresh new opportunity and more importantly, time. Lots of it. Needless to say, it goes on as an evil procastinating cycle till we realise sometime too late that it is time to move on and we are still stuck where we are- In the "today" many years ago.

Oh, and thats when we get to see a spike in the this-is-your-life treatment, suicide rates and the boom of the emo culture when boys snog boys and girls throw back vodka shots like gummy bears in skirts so teeny tiny they might as well not be wearing anything at all.

Anything to place a mental viel over the big gapping hole in our lives.

But that really isnt the main problem. All of us on some subconcious level know that we are losing grip on many things we could be accomplishing with every second we procastinate. But we still continue with it anyway, because we hope for some magical solution that might suddenly appear to make everything happen without us slogging away.

And there really isnt. Maybe Life is supposed to be hard like that.

Although I would really appreciate it if I could have a peek into the future to see if i actually reap something out of the soul draining slogging that I would be doing today.

I never quite believed in all that " its the experience that counts" crap.

Growing up.

Im not sure I like this growing up thing at all if it makes me stop believing in the impossible, play stupid mind games and be tied down by reality when I could be chasing down so many dreams of mine.

T-Time

I need a little T-time to get things into perspective. Life has gotten so crazy I realised I don't even know who I am anymore. I have no idea what I want from Life but one's thing certain- being stuck in the wreckage that is me now is definitely not something I wanted. Everything has become so blurry and stilted that reality has rocked me unbalance with me hanging adrift, slowly swirling down, down down into its twisting whirlpool.

CMM is a good course. In fact, its probably the best course in business school, which equals to bright future, lotsa opportunities for career blah yadda blah. Its Safe, risk free and even if you're a bottom feeder chances are you would be better off then say, the people from mechatronics. ( no offenses, so.) So yes. I am in a good course, I'm not a bad student, my grades doesnt make my mom feel embarrassed to anounce it with certain amount of decorum to the trio of competitive aunties during chinese new year.

But its not what I want.

I wished I was in design school. More specifically, apparel and design merchandising. If only I took a risk 2 years back and opted for it instead of being one of the many sheeps guarded firmly by the hand of reality and blindly chose the safer course.

But what's done, is done.

If i don't get into university I am so applying for Laselle.

This is REALLY good.

Phone sex just got really interesting.

Breather

Everybody needs a breather, therefore thank god for hols.

No matter how ridiculously short it is and that there still are projects to do almost everyday anyway. I'm that close to calling it quits and joining the corner boys at Cineleisure with their heavy duty hair and jeans so tight you can see the shape of their puny undeveloped gonads.

There comes a time when everything you ever know of turns around into something different that knocks the breath out of you for being so very wrong in the first place. It sucks so bad, but it happens anyway because thats life and apparently we are suppose to come out wiser from it but nobody did told me anything about the fine print which warns us to be wary of scarrings and hurt.

And Wiser I did. Cynical too ( no change there). But I'm mostly sad and disappointed.

What can I say? Hope. Its a terrible thing. Kinda like the same way your insurance company promises to pay you a life-altering sum of money should you ever lose an arm but running for the hills as soon as you got into that freak meat slicing accident.

Promising the candy with one hand and taking it away with another.

Reality is a bummer.

Okay to happier stuff. Went out with Tracy on Friday on a pilgrimage to Orchard in search of The Bag!. Which wasn't totally a lost cause because good woman that she is, she was the one who spotted the gorgeous green leather bag from Project Blood Shop that cost like a Freaking Bomb. Although money wasn't an issue that day i think.

Didnt get the green bag though. Being careful isnt exactly a characteristic of a dreamy Piscean but thats what you get when the woman who birthed you is a picky Cancer- You become an overcatious clownfish. Either way Im giving myself one more week and if I still don't see The Bag! then im getting the green one. Thanks Trace!~ ^^

Had Dinner at Village in Heeren, which was like a really REALLY good caloric, carbohydrated
version of an orgasm. And yeah im using sexual euphemisn because I'm horny like that unlike a certain minah tudung who REFUSES to admit she likes porn and that is ridiculous because thats like saying nobody likes a 12 inch triple layered, thigh exploding chocolate fudge cake.

*snorts*

So yes. Between Tracy and Me, We had a cheese bradwurst, half a WHOLE roasted chicken (!), 2 lovely clams for me because she doesnt eat anything that lives in a shell like, erm, prawns, a huge plateful of Adoha pan fried potatoes ( effie we took a picture in honour of you), and a blackpepper and mushroom Crepe. No dessert because we were that full but tons of eye candy made up for it.

Especially the 2 of them seating 2 tables away from us that I keep giving the hairy eyeball to and Tracy had to stop me from swigging the craneberry vodka in case i did something really anti-social.

And yeah! WE TOOK PURIKURAS. <3

So to end off the post, here's a look of the piccies of the day.

To Effie: Wish you were here ^^