Fleeting moments

Temptation would perhaps be the one weakness that might get me killed someday.

goes the same with curiosity, pride and vanity.But temptation. Hell...thats a another ball game althogether.

I have never been good at resisting anything I desire. Could be down to the inherited gene of impatience from my mother's side of course. Chocolate, sleep, clothes, XXX. you name it, and i probably wouldnt last 3 seconds without lunging myself at it. It is actually literally impossible for me to turn a blind eye or bit my lip while jiggling from top to toe with unbearable desire trying to fight the illicit urge that overwhelms me like a crushing tidal wave.

And then today I was thought a valuable lesson.

The process of it wasnt important. What I learnt from though, was.

Temptation, like milestones in life, hits you hard from time to time. It happens. But with every single hit, the impact it brings might be bad, but it isnt permanent. you could lie low for a while, keeping your face down in a shadowed corner, waiting for the storm to pass, and eventually, it will.

Sometimes you wouldnt believe that anything will change, but Life apparently has proven to be a pretty hardy thing.

and yes, bring on the " Time heals all wounds." yad yada crap. Such cliched shite! but there you are.

It isnt so much the initial shock from the pain that it brings which hurts so much. Its the waiting period for the pain to pass that is more unbearable.

And how i have ended up talking like Miz Oprah when all I have started off was giving out about surviving temptation from a single chocolate Mars bar, beats me.

I feel a John Lennon moment coming on now.

I just did something very desperate and very foolish.

Nana should know.I spent almost 3 hours grilling her on MSN last night. She's great. Nobody comes nicer then her. Even though she's a lousy liar, but I forgive her. ^-^

I will say this for her tho. When the Mars bars are down, this woman is worth her weight in Kit Kats.

So now, we wait.

***

Its kinda ridiculous to shell out a bomb on new winter clothes when you alrd have a ton of them for a four day trip which they probably won't see daylight again hidden in the back of my wadrobe after the trip for the rest of the year.

I swear, i really tried. But there is absolutely nothing that is remotely fashionable about the stuff that I bought 2 years ago for the Europe trip. Going to a country when half the population weigh around the average weight of a small indian elephant, you can wear a dead skunk thrown over like a pashmina and you would still look good.

And i had been young and foolish. Caring more about keeping warm then upholding my image. Really. the things we do when we are young.

Not that im very old of course.

Im going to Japan in 4 more days. Japan. the land of manorexics and gurls with small hips and big busts and big, big humongous curls.

See my point now? I can't possibly wear those plasticy material jackets with their awful color and bulkiness. We would be laughed at. I can just imagine it now. Them jap gurls with their huge curly hair and mini skirts and killer boots even though its in the dead of the winter laughing the piss at us, throwing stones and going " Omaera wa singaporu jin desuka? Hontou ni kimochi waruii desu neh!"

The shame of it. I can't let it happen.

and I don't really have much money left.

oh damn damn damn.

2006- A Summary

So yesterday was the last paper. and i had been right- The paper had been a right pain in the ass. I refuse to believe anyone would have known that 3 part question abt cash flow. It wasnt even in the notes. Damn CSS and her promise to put up the summary notes.

but i sld do alright though. Better than feature writing at any rate, considering I took less than 2 days glancing through the notes as opposed to the late night mugging hysteria of feature writing and still managed to misread a question.

ah fuck.
***

I cannot believe that 2006 is coming to an end.

just as well really. this year have been terrible. spending the first 4 months trapped in result waiting hysteria and over-demanding boss at work nightmare and the next 8 months of it trapped in a limbo of mortifying unforseened insecurities, desperate attempts at piecing back friendships that are withering to the ground with time and general culture shock.

It was all abit too much. even by my standards.

So there i was brooding as usual in my regular mid day moodism thinking about generally depressing stuff and fascinating over the various suicide attempts ( plane dropping in my room, earthquake shattering my house, being sent to the army early etc etc.) that could whisk me away to high heaven when I realised that it would be so much easier if I just don't overthink stuff and let nature take its course.

I mean you can't blame me. Its not my fault I was born organized, thanks to the perfectionist gene inherited from my grandmom and her clan of croonies-my mom and her sisters. I rather prepare myself for the worse case scenario then be caught on the hop. In fact,I rather die then be caught on the hop actually, frankly speaking.

Thereby I go through the whole cycle of expecting things in their worse and accepting them no matter how vile things might be, even before said thing has even happened.

And because of that, Things usually go exactly the way as i have predicted it to be-in its worse case scenario. Because I believe that it would happen that way.

Talk about the power of faith.

But in the same context, everything could also happen in the same way that I don't believe them to happen.

It all runs down to whether I believe in it or not.

I suppose I have to be completely honest here that I'm scared of taking risks.

At the danger of going all morning day time drama on you, I hate hoping in vain of things that I'm not certain of, because sometimes the disappointment and hurt that hurtles back at me when things takes a turn for the wrong way is sometimes more than i can bear and im not sure how much I can take.

and im sorry. You must think I must be absolutely up my arse. Going round and round in circles about vague stuff that you would probably be trying to make sense of and me not telling you whatever it is because its private and nobody should noe.

Well, whatever it is. My resolution for the new year would be to take things at a slower pace and try not to be the terrible pessimist that I am and let things run its course.

...

Jeezus. I sound like a bloody hippy. this is so not a good thing.

damn.

WARNING: High Rant Content.

You have been warned.

***

Don't talk to me about feeling like you have been bull-dozed honey.

I have spent the whole day studying. Like mugging. And I have only finished management principles. lesson learnt? never underestimate the power of not reading the entire module and expect to breeze through the whole of it in 2 days.

I'm so screwed.

ah well.

And bloody hell I misread an 8 mark question for feature writing on Monday. I wouldnt have been so pissed off if I hadnt known the answer to the correct question but the point is, I KNEW!!!! OMFG I K.N.E.W.

There goes my A.

Boo hoo hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!! T_T

...

oh wow. it feels so unbelievably uplifting to rant like an airhead after so long. Not like it would change my grades though.

*sulks*

The Culprits.

The respective unbelievably cute ungrateful fat fuckers who bit me.

O-reo

Sesame

Toffee



yes. you didnt imagine toffee winking lavisciously at you, the cam whore. tsk.

The quiet before the storm.

So people all around are going bazook with the amount of work that there had been hauled at and more then a just a few of them are approaching dangerous burn out zones.

Not me though. This semester has been like one long holiday in greece with magaritas on tap.

which is of course, not a good thing.

But I suppose it aint really a bad thing either. Many are the times in periods of stress during examinations and everlooming project deadlines that I don't perform as well as I logically should, with the hours I put in and the amount of hair that falls out of my scalp.

And i ain't doing that bad actually. Not a single C in sight with a couple of Bs under my belt and a shining A crookedly pinned on my shoulder pad. So far,so good.

However, I bet my run of good luck is about to run its way into the ground though. No way will fate allow me to shine for major examinations and tests that will actually put an impact on my grades. Time has taught me that only too well.

Needless to say, I have not studied. At all.

No intention to start tonight, as it is. I shall start tmr.

Ah procastination, thy name is samuel.

Zapping the grey clouds away.

i have always believed that life is just too short for sadness and misery to take up space in it.

but it doesnt really work that way i suppose. whoever that came up with that line must had been pollyana herself or some pisshead who had been hitting the sauce one pint too much.

not that i would know anyth about "pints" "sauces" or "pissheads", of course. *blink innocently*

Im am a Teenager, therefore I am Angsty. But mercifully, I am a Guy Teenager, so unlike the female version of it, we don't verbalize the thoughts in our heads. Jaded feelings, Suicidal thoughts and complexed suicide plans involving a single blood stained note and black roses are all very well, but they stay right where they are- in the head. None receieve the special behind the stage passes and be granted the entrance of our tongues.

But girls are different. On a good day, 10 page rants on their blogs revolving around the contents of backstabbers assorted, 3 timing bastard boyfrens that they cant get over and various thank yous and goodbyes to people they know before their suicide attempts are all the norm. Thoughts spill over freely and it becomes almost conversational, like as if they were commenting about the weather of the day.No shame at all, i say.

However, the angst scale shoots off the charts when their PMSes come abitching. Everything becomes the power of 10.

This is usually cue for men to take cover and hide.

I havent been feeling too hot today actually. You wouldnt when you realize with horror that you no longer care about homework and tests when you would have freted over them like an obsessive mom over their child in a previous lifetime.

though its for good reason when the lecturer is fat, balding and a lecher to boot who gets young nubile girls who are his students to come up to the front of a lecture to read unneccesary quotes from some up-his-arse that is totally unrelated to anything that he had been teaching about just to have a good look at said girl's bum/tit etc etc.

sadness and loneliness is as sadness and loneliness are. I try not to acknowledge it, turning a blind eye and eating an industrial sized box of smarties and watching Reese Whitherspoon movies to take everything away. It works sometimes, and sometimes it doesnt. But the more important thing is to move on from it. isnt it?

....

but sometimes it really doesnt work that way either. life is confusing that way. and sometimes I become so overwhelmed by it I want to leave everything behind.

If only we can do that.

A Short Post

-Clifford Yap is the world's most unbearable fucker in every context of the word.
-I havent studied my photog quiz yet.
-Im doomed.
-I want to date. I have been single for too long.
-I want to shop.
-my fringe is severe.

ah fuck it. My life is currently in shite disarray. Save me. Please.

Know-it alls.

At some parts of our lives we are bound to have met some of them. You know who i am talking about. Them little fuckers with their "opinionated minds" and "What I see is what I say" persona that could put a plight upon your day and tear shards from you heart.

It doesnt matter that they use the catch-all phrase " But Im just being honest!" to save their asses "cushion" the impact. The damage has alrd been done and you would be the one running a hot bath and looking for your cut throat razor in your dresser.

Personally, I don't actually mind harsh comments from people whom I think are more intelligent, more mature and with better taste then me. After all, aint I the one knocking on their door demanding them to tear shards off my heart? mind you though. It isnt all the time that the comments are horrible. The gods might be smiling on you and you could just luck out on a compliment. But how many times does that really happen?.

What I think that is really criminal and heinious are people who are more inferior then you in every single aspect that is humanly possible that dish out unwanted comments that are not even initiated. People that tell you your photographs suck and look terribly unfocused and would end up with a D if Cliffy Yap even actually give his time of the day at it and take a glance. People who have no knowledge whatsoever of photography and with a GPA of 1.75 even though he is in design school. People you don't even know of.

A troll would have done much better.

I would have happily douse the mother fucker right now with kerosene and set him on fire if I am not such a law obliging citizen , so pissed off I am.

i cannot tell you how fuckingly unbelievable that person is. You have to hand it to him though. he's got skin thicker then the hide an elephant. Bullets couldnt possibly graze him. they'd just bounce right off it.

As nana said, I would sules him if I had a thick enough stick to ram his iron rim.

Therefore, I am pleased to announce that my photographs this time round are gorgeous even though there had been a last minute hitch that got my knickers twisted in more ways than one.

so~

Die you mother fucking chee bye. ^-^

Talk about ungratefulness....

I am breaking out in fucking hives now. Just because of a good deed that I made.

I am talking about my ungrateful hamsters.

Stupid, lazy fat hairy fuckers they are, sleeping and eating all day long with me cleaning up their crap week after week with not a single word of complaint and today while i was cleaning out their cages out the goodness of my heart, the fat fuckers bit me.

And they didnt just bit me. They bit me long and good and hard.

emphasis on long.and hard.

I had to literally fling the fat hairy fucker 6 feet into the air to pry it off my little finger, which is the size of an elephant's feet now.

Minutes after the bite, I started coughing, and choking and itching all over the place. My eyes watered, my face became a palette of a hundred different shades of red and it was all that i could to not scratching myself like a dog.

My face now look like a stupid modern art crap.

and this might be a little too much information, but lets just say the places on my body with follicles itch the most.

sorry.couldn't resist it.

How the fuck am i suppose to go to school on Monday?!

I swear, I'm never going to go near my hamsters again. FUCKERSSS!!!!!