18

first things first:

Die all u fuckers out there who knew my birthday but didnt sms me. ^-^

okay. with that out of the way, let me continue.

I have come a looooooooong loooong way. I am offically 18 today. That means im legal. Generally speaking, I can't go around raping small boys and girls in sexy uniforms, steal your granny's money and do complicated highlights in my hair any longer. Worse. Im just 2 years away from entering the army.

Not that it matters of course, because I am going to die before I go the army. I will personally make sure of it.

17 wasnt a hot year. In fact, 17, the age whereby im supposed to be in the prime of my teenage life and being so off-the-scale hot prada and gucci sld be waiting at my doorstep bitch fighting to ship me of to paris and milan, I became The Anti-Social Kid and got left without about a billion scars on my precious visage that i might as well have lived in the chinese warring period or join the Red Hot Chilli Peppers as a back-up guitarist.

17, in short, was shite ass crap.

But not any longer. Im not going to go through all that shite I did when I was 17. I want to be a better person. having spent the majority of my teenage years like a holiday in Bahamas, I want to be able to set targets for myself and have the tolerance to achieve them. I don't want to settle for second best. I want to be the best in everything I do. Fuck all the years that I have wasted. Im not going through that all over again. Im 18. I don't want to look back at myself 10 yrs later and regret not having done/experience/achieve what I want to while Im still young.

Well, youngish at any rate. Yeah I can hear you. Young compare to what? piss off hon.

....

Gosh. Did I really typed everything that I just typed above. Fuck. I AM growing up after all. Is this what it means to be mature?

If thats true Im not crazy about it.

Hols

Its been a long time since I last updated i guess. Long for me at any rate.

But thats the point. There isnt anything much to update, 'cept the fact i gained about 5kg eating all those New Year Crap and gaining about a gazillion zits, otherwise, niante.

I am going for a job interview. Soon. Well soonish at any rate. I never did liked dressing up and frankly speaking being trapped in a large boardroom with 2 scary looking people twice my age is just about the last thing I want to happen. But I need to eat food, and buy clothes, therefore there really wasnt much of a choice to begin with.

This sem is going to seriously fuck me up, by like alot. My GPA is going to plummet so much it probably wouldnt see the light of day again, nevermind scoring me into a semi decent local university.

Oh wait, what the fuck am I talking about. There are only 2 local Universities. And seeing that I didn't end up in JC I would have to go to Australia or smth to get some negligent degree that would be just about as recognized as a toilet cleaner's job requirement.

It isnt like me to be blue...okay thats a lie. I am always blue, but the hols just make everything 10 times worse, shining a harsh white light on my crapness and my lack of achievements in life without the lovely hustle of school politics to keep things off my mind. I wished i had a little more control of my life, but seeing I cant't even keep up to a 3 day dieting plan for more than 3 hours, chances are ....argh. whatever. I dont want to go into details.

If depression were engagements, I am Jennifer Lopez.

This is one long droning up-my-bum post everyone. Sorry, but im in no mood to write another story.

I wish I wasnt myself sometimes. But don't we all.

* slumps head on desk.*

PS: Thanks Keith and Asher. The mails were unexpected, sweet and made me less cynical as a person. Not exactly ground shifting, but hey, it made my day. And thats quite an achievement.

Angel

She sat on the aged rosewood bench, enjoying the cooling freshness of a late windy November. Wrapped in a warm fuzzy cocoon of tartan and wool, she was quietly grateful for life as she watched Regents Park slowly turn into an oil painting of crimson and rouge. Autumn leaves fluttered in the breeze and the air was beautifully scented with mandarin blossoms and ash wood. A cup of hot chocolate mocha was all she needed now to turn this pristine moment into absolute bliss.

Her heart ached with bitter sweetness as she watched a young girl played on the park swing alone. Blonde ringlets swishing out of her tight pony tail, her gasps of laughter brought a smile to her face as she rocked in the winds. Time like all things left unnoticed, leaves us faster then we would have expected. 3 years have disappeared but awashed in such terrible grieve and misery then, it had all still felt like a second the day her life got drenched in black.

Arising from her reverie, she opened her eyes and realized that the dreadful bitterness in her core that had stayed resolutely intact since then had dissolved together with the time that had passed quickly. Memories were still etched deep but they were the ones that would bring her joy; a joy that made her grateful that she had been fortunate enough to have spent a chapter of her life with her, to have known a person so young yet so special that changed her life since her arrival till she left, instead of stubbornly grieving her loss. It would have been pointless and life had to move on.

She knew it would not be long now before she could allow herself the risk to fall in love again.

Standing up, she wrapped her tartan scarf tighter around her face and left, her heart a load lighter and an unseen angel hovering silently above in the evening skylight.

Slowly.

Her eyes spoke a hundred different stories, eched deeply in lines and creases across her paper thin skin. A prescence so unspeakably intriguing, The sterile white sheets and cotton blue pyjamas did nothing to blend her together with the rest of the nameless living dead laying silently around her in the large mohogany room. Hair flaxened white with age, the early morning light creeped slowly into the dark room and she awoke to the first warm glowing rays of spring.

Quietly watching the apple blossoms bloom in the melting snow, she laid still, listening to the beepings of machines her life now grew reliant of. A fiery anger laid dormant beneath her cool exterior and she wondered how long it would be before she turned into the silent empty soul that rested beside her. It had only been a week and the thought of spending her last days in this hollow empty room was unbearable. Unimaginable.

"They have all forgotten, we were young once..." she thought as grieve took its toll on her raging heart. Her life like everybody else, was once a fierce beautiful dream of freedom and laughter. Watching the nurses drift endlessly among the hundreds of beds chattering and laughing, she wondered how it had all gone so terribly wrong.

A tear slide down silently and she closed her eyes. Nearby, a young girl watched in curious silence, a bouquet in her hands.

Jap Hwk.

My short japanese compo hwk of the week. check it out everyone^-^


２００７年、の一月は私は家族と日本へ行きます。冬なので著と寒いかたけど大丈夫でした。四季の中で、冬が一番すきですよ!４日の中で、原宿と渋谷と新宿と池袋行きました。買い物の時間はとてもみじかかたです。でもたくさんの物買いました。

Eating habits

I just spent approximately 7 hours writing bile for my 300 word incompleted individual speech. okay whatever. I don't really care actually, just let the holidays come quickly please.

Ate another ton today and realised a cycle in my eating habits. I normally shunt food left right and centre during the week days, barely ingesting an apple a day ( provided there are apples in the fridge. The kitchen in my house is more for display purposes rather then for culinary performances.) and then going mad come the weekends to make up for the weight loss during the week.

I am aware of course, but not aware enough to break the cycle.

eeek. I' m turning into a hog.

*grunts and totters away.*

sigh,

I just so very very tired lar.

Goddess.

Her smooth honey golden locks shimmered luxuriously in the spotlights as bolts of flashlights blinded her. Tuning out her inner hysteria, she plumped up her lips and firmly pressed a smile on her face with rehearsed efficiency knowing full well she will wake up in the morning tomorrow on the cover of every major news bulletin.

Looking fabulous was not an option for her, but it had been a very long time since she gave a damn.

The endless seas of nameless, screaming adoring faces stretched before her endlessly, their screams and shouts filtering seamlessly into a single note buzz before finally switching back to the dead silence she had learnt to transfuse. One of the coping mechanisms compulsory she taught herself to protect her from feeling trapped in one delicious enticing nightmare.

She fought the rising urge of frustration beneath her cool veneer as she smiled and posed in her breath taking ocean blue gown that glittered and sparkled as the gentle breeze played with her diamond encrusted seams. It had started out a tiny pocket of tenaciousness, one she was able to ignore and control, but it had grew slowly with time and threatened to engulf her with the throbbing emptiness she felt deep in her core-one that she couldn’t turn a blind eye to no matter how she tried.

Why do I feel this way? She wondered. Everything on paper was perfect. She was the person every human being in the planet wanted to be, but with every success the feeling just got bigger and bigger and now it had stacked up into a formidable heap- blinding her successes in a flash with its illicitness.

Desperation was eating her up slowly and she knew it would soon be time before she loses her grip and trip up.

Smiling for one last time, she turned her back and walked back to the glossy limousine, looking every bit the porcelain goddess the world sees her to be.

another week--Done.

I remembered telling myself on Monday if I made it through the week, I'm going to give all my money to the poor because i certainly didnt think I was going to make it.

I even called the bestie to tell her she can have my entire W-inds collection and told her specifically which songs i wanted played on my funeral. The bitch fucking giggled, said thanks and bye without asking me for my suspicious requests.

I am such a melodramatic fool.

But its true. this week had been a nightmare. Late last minute project fuck ups and the deadlines for about a gazillion assignments all cramped into the 5 working days. I barely slept a wink.

Can't be said though for the amount I ate. Pressure turns me one hell of a gastronomic athelete.

I probably put on about 6kg or something. ah fuck.

The worse was presentation. Oh my god fucken scary. Looking at my classmates dressed up in their zaras and topshops and over made up faces presenting their stuff like a pro even though most of them are barely legal eerily reminded me scenes from Matilda. Like i said, I know my stuff, but that didnt stop me from freaking out inside chanting " im fucked im fucked im soo fucked..." a billion times while appearing cool and collected and telling effie to " leng2 jing4"

Lovely surprise from DD though. He said nice stuff about me which I don't believe for a second. Your man must have had been out on the piss that night. Good prescence? Dont kid me hon.

Random thought here: DD is such a living walking cliche of a chick-lit hottie. Don't ask me why, but thats what he reminds me of.

and im sorry u had to listen to me ramble like a fool. I shall stop here now.

Good luck for the individual speeches next week everyone.

oh!

Maybe I should try to be a vegetarian.

hmm....

The diet didnt work.

My days with my beloved concealer are officially over.

*dumps concealer in the thrash*

Call me a bimbo, but dumping my concealer has probably got to be the hardest thing I ever done. Worse than the time I had to give up track and field cause my right leg is banjaxed.

The acne diet didn't work out. I refuse to believe the fuckers who could subsist on fruits and fruits alone for 14 whole days, never mind a month.

So I got an introduction from a friend ( thxs daphne!~) who had vv bad outbreaks but recently seemed to have improved by leaps and bounds. Went to see her face doctor today and came back 170 bucks lighter. OMG. There goes my new year clothes everyone.

The doc didn't allowed me to wear make-up. so for the sake of my skin, im going to brazen things out for the next 3 months.

Children will throw stones at me on the streets. babies will start roaring crying whenever I pick them up. I'm going to have to lie and say i got chicken pox. But who cares?

I will have lovely skin after 3 months.

Just do me a favour and give me strength to go to school tmr.

T-T

aaaaah.

This is so not the right time to fall ill.

*slumps.*

I Heart Japan

私わ。。日本が本当に好きだよ。本当。

Contrary-ness

I am worried.

I fear im currently being fobbed off with a false sense of security that I have almost finished all my work that there is left to do for this sem, only to be given a very nasty surprise at the last minute that i have indeed, left something out and therefore would be headed for the gallows soon after.

Thereby i'm going to make a list of stuff that I am supposed to do and have done. Please be kind and help me see if i have left anyth.

-Percomm/MMPrin Project
-This week's forum posting
-ICA 3
-IWA 2
-French Speech Presentation
French Group project
Photography Group project
-Individual Speech presentation preparation ( visuals! im so in trouble T-T )
-Group project presentation


I'm like almost that sure I haven't left anything out but as they say now, of the best packed of mice and men etc. etc.

Also, as you might have realised, i have been posting short stories on the blog. I admit, I am not a good writer but well, gimme ur lovely comments y'all. I love literature and just as well really, since im on a story writing kick.

Much better at any rate, then to turn ur brain into sludge with our local TV entertainment.

And omg today's february! I'm offically old T-T

ciao~